Make Room for the King

          
          For the past few years, I have been on this self-sufficient, independent, skeptical version of autopilot. At first, it was about survival. Staying busy; never allowing myself to sit still and let my thoughts roam free (something I used to do habitually). When depression and anxiety overtake your mind, it plants this sense of fear - fear of your own thoughts. Being alone with your thoughts is where panic attacks are born when your mind is not healthy. But from a healthy place, that is also where dreams are birthed, self-awareness is gained, and learning takes place in beautiful ways. But with this fear of my own thoughts and my own emotions, unable to trust myself, I have avoided the uncomfortable opportunities of self-reflection and moments of intimacy with God. I have grown comfortable with my doubts and fears and filled my empty spaces with things of this world.

          I have felt too broken, too skeptical, too ashamed for Christ to love me and pursue me like the Bible says He does. I know the Bible to be true, so I have repeated His truths to myself, begging my heart to BELIEVE. Just believe. That’s what He asks of us. Everything He does is for His children to believe. He performed miracles, recorded in the Gospels, so that people might believe. He fulfilled prophecies so people might believe. He was crucified and rose from the dead so people might believe. He sent His disciples and apostles out so people might believe.

‘These are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name.’ - John 20:31

          I have spent many quiet mornings with a coffee in hand pleading with the Lord to help my unbelief. My skepticism seemed permanent. But I didn’t want it to be. I wanted to believe in the Lord. I wanted to believe that the beauty of the gospel was true for me too. I wanted my relationship with God back. I begged for belief but never provided room for Him to enter my life and mold my heart into the faith that He longs for. Belief comes when your heart is positioned in a way that optimizes your view of God’s true character and His glory. I may not know the exact position my heart should be placed in, but I don’t have to know because I can make room in my heart for the One who does. He is a mighty King that humbly enters our messy, brokenness and can miraculously mold our hearts to victoriously believe when we invite Him in.

          In Bethlehem, the innkeeper made room for Mary and Joseph, and ultimately Jesus. He didn’t offer his best suite for the expecting couple. Instead, our Savior was born into the filth of a stable for animals. Our King, our Redeemer, our Savior came into our mess. Jesus is not afraid of our mess. He is not afraid of our brokenness. He is not afraid of the extent of our shame. Instead, He modeled His fearless approach to messiness of this world by entering it in a dirty, rundown barn. He wants to heal you from the inside out. He knows firsthand how messed up the inside can be, but this is how He works. He wants to tenderly put your pieces back together. He wants to gloriously make you whole again, so that you may walk victoriously in belief.

2020. Perfect vision. This year, my focus is making room for the King; inviting Him in to my mess so that He might correct my vision and mold my heart. I'm making room in the mess, in the craziness, in the busyness of life. I know this means facing the uncomfortable of sitting still, listening for Him, and getting up close with my thoughts. But I am confident that diving into the unknown and uncomfortable will prove fruitful.